I come up with grandiose plans and make To Do lists for turning a new leaf about once a month but I feel this one is going to stick. I need to give myself a deadline though for when I give Soul Crushing, Inc the big F U and walk out the door. I'm just not sure when yet.
I'm not sure what I want this blog to be. Daily reflection? Posts when I feel like it? Inner ramblings of a post-grad slacker? I think I'm going to write about what I feel like writing about when I want to. If that makes sense.
So the things on my mind today:
1. The manuscript. I'm at 40,255 words as of yesterday evening. I have broken the 40K mark! Only another 5,000 and I'll be halfway. Maybe. You never know with writing. Sometimes something seizes a hold of you and you can find yourself 10,000 words deep not knowing how you got there but loving the ride the entire way. My earlier manuscript - which I'll revisit eventually - sits right around 124K. When I finished the original draft, I clocked in over 180K! Thankfully, I've shaved it down but I think the story needs to sit and marinate for awhile before I try again with it.
Here's what Momentum is about in a nutshell: Riley was the girl in blue lights the night before at the party. The next morning when JR wakes up with a nasty hangover, she's the dead girl on his TV, and he can't remember if he killed her. He enlists his brother Mark's help, an Iraq war veteran suffering from PTSD. In order to discover the truth about today, JR must remember the truth about yesterday and he's not so sure he has a firm girm on time anymore or reality, for that matter. To complicate things, he meets Camille, a girl who's yellow personality draws him in the way Riley did. He's terrified to get close to her, but cannot deny the attraction between them. JR will have to put all the pieces of the puzzle together to get the answer he seeks before the police come knocking on his door, asking more questions.
I originally set out for it to be a murder mystery, but these things have a way of getting away from you. It's evolved more into a character study about JR and it examines the way he views the world. It delves into the nearly parasitic relationship he has with his older brother and illustrates the fears he has about the world (including but not limited to the fact he may have killed a classmate). I do want to keep the element of suspense though so I'm sure I'll be going back to make changes soon enough. For now, I'm rolling with where the story wants to take me. I tend to know the beginning and the end. The middle? Well, that's the magic of it.
2. Boys. I'm 22. Of course I think about boys. Almost constantly. Recently, I've been thinking about this one in particular...
Suffice it to say I am navigating the murky waters of the "what are we stage" of a relationship. Granted, this can be the best part, but for my control freak brain (and monthly dose of lady hormones), it can also be the most nervewracking. Let me explain. The last time I was in a relationship, he didn't have a phone that supported texting and any relationships before that were in high school. I have a pretty abysmal record and I'm rusty at this. I am learning not to overanalyze every text message or facebook comment or status update. I am going with the flow.
But goddamn if it isn't hard!
I'll keep you posted.
3. Existential crisis mode. Also, as a 22-year-old post-graduate toiling away at Soul Crushing, Inc, I am undergoing the obligatory crisis of Self where I try to Define Myself and Create A Path and Save Money So I'm Not A Broke MuthaFucka. This blog is part of that crisis. I need to do something meaningful! I need to do something creative! I need to be fulfilled! Wah, wah, wah.
Look. I get it. I know I can't wave a magic wand and become a writer. I know it takes hard work and dedication and an ability to block out pain on the days you have to beat your head against the wall to squeeze out even the most amateur turn of phrase. So I'm ready for that. I've had some experience with mild rejection (read: form rejections) and I'm learning to have a thicker skin. I'm learning to simply open up and let people read and see and discuss.
This blog is called the Closet Typewriter 1. because when I was 13, I found a Royal typewriter in my grandmother's closet and 2. because most of my writing has been done secretly, i.e. in the closet.
But now I'm tweeting about it so I suppose I'm making moves? Baby steps and all.