Querying Makes Me An Anxious Bitch

So I won't sugarcoat it; I know I've been terrible these last few months about posting anything. The sad truth is that after I finish a big writing project, I don't even want to write my name, let alone a blog post once or twice a week.

But I'm beginning to feel more refreshed and reinvigorated with my writing so hopefully, you'll be seeing me here more often, writing like I'm supposed to.

Since finishing the revision for Momentum, I spent some time dillydallying about the next step in the publishing process: querying literary agents.

Back in the day, you used to be able to send your Great American Novel as an unsolicited manuscript to the major publishing houses in hopes of hitting pay-dirt. Alas, this is no longer the way. Manuscripts ended up in the "slush" pile and were forgotten.

Nowadays, literary agents act as the "gate keepers" to the publishing world. They decide what is publishable and what is not, deciding which writers they'd like to take on. Agents maintain relationships with publishers and editors; they know the market. They're also the ones who pitch your novel and negotiate your contract once you've been offered a book deal. Basically, they're the author's advocate.

Landing an agent is my next task on the road to being published. It's not as easy as emailing someone and claiming you've written the next bestseller. It's becoming harder and harder to get noticed by agents. They receive hundreds of query emails (your book's "cover letter," like something that would be written on the back cover) a week and often are picky about what genres they're looking for and which books they'd like to take on.

I spent a week or so researching agents I hope will be interested in my book. I wrote my query letter, got together my sample chapters, and sent out my proposals.

Basically now, it's best to forget about it. Agents take several weeks to respond to queries, and more often than not, they only respond if they're interested in requesting a full or partial. Otherwise, expect radio silence. I still have a mini panic attack every time I check my email, but I'm learning to move on and if I hear from someone, then I'll celebrate. It's best not to get my hopes and take whatever response I get as a small victory.

Now I'm focusing on a new project! That's right: I have started another manuscript.

I'm actually expanding a short story I wrote last semester for one of my classes. It was well-received but during my revision, I knew the story wasn't finished. I saw the characters and the plot on a bigger scale than the 9,000 words I had already written. After finishing Momentum, it became clear to me that the story needed more.

It's always a wonderful feeling when I get The Next Idea. It is an exhilarating, singing sensation where I know - this is a Book Idea, not a short story, but a Book.

So for the time being I'm working on this new project, but I'll definitely be keeping you posted on any responses I get from my querying efforts.

Thanks for sticking with me.

-E

Chapter 15 - Revision: Complete

Oh hey there. I'm back.

So I'm done with the revision to the WIP.

Kind of shell shocked about it right now.

At first I was like:

And then I did some:

 And then I was like: 

People were like, "How's the book?" and I was like:

Because I hoped it was like:

Everybody kept asking me about it and I was like:

Then I finished it and I was like:

But then reality set in:

And I realized now people will read it:

And I'm stressed about that because what if they're like:

So now I'm back to:

And done:

Okay, enough silliness. Here's some stats: 

First draft

 ~68,000 words

Started October 2011

Finished October 2012

13 chapters 

Working title: Thicker Than Water 

Second draft 

83,000 words (370 pages)

Started December 20th 2012

Finished March 5th 2013

14 chapters 

Working title: Momentum 

That's all I've got right now. Going to go wash my brain and hang it out to dry. 

-E

I'm Not Gone, I Promise!

Just a quick update--I'll have more to say later--but just wanted to let you know that I am not meaning to neglect the blog. I'm at the tail end of the revision and have basically gone underground until I can get it done. I'll be back soon!

Here's a picture of Boo to hold you over:

She's asleep, by the way. 

-E

The Weekly Wrap 1/14/13

Sorry this is a day late. There's a reason why (ahem, a book to blame), but here it is. Also, you'll notice the blog got another makeover because I am indecisive. 

Monday 1/14/13 - Today is gross and rainy which normally I would consider a perfect writing day: a moody atmosphere makes for good, moody writing which is basically my WIP in a nutshell, but I know that this gloominess is going to last for a couple of days. I'm not enthused. Thanks, graffiti, for summing it up:

I finally got my hair cut after six months though, so I guess that's an accomplishment.

Tuesday 1/15/13 -

"To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch." 

-Lili St. Crow 

Pretty much sums up my ideas on the world right now. In good news though, I hope to finish this revision by the end of January. I've passed the halfway point and if all goes according to plan, I should be done soon. These later chapters are tough though. They're the ones that need more work. You always start out so strong with a story; you've got the scene and the characters in mind. You've fallen in love and in obsession already of the way you want things to be that you even have a bit of the plot. For me, I'm aware of the ending, but I have to tease out the path there with my plot. This is where I get muddy and during revision, I have to clean up these spots.

Thankfully, my stories for my class aren't due until the end of February so I have plenty of time to finish this before starting something new. It's hard for me to split my attention between projects. Every thing I write ends up sounding the same. 

Wednesday 1/16/13 - Another bleak day! Although, they are calling for snow tomorrow night so there's that to look forward to.

This is Boo's "I'm adorable" face. She watches me and whines when I write sometimes. Unfortunately, I can't pet her ALL the time, but I do my best. 

Thursday 1/17/13 - North Carolina has SNOW FEVER! We're all running to the store to buy milk and bread for the coming snowpocalypse which will undoubtedly be half an inch of sleet and snow that will thaw out by noon. I'm hopeful though. Sometimes we get a nice dusting which always makes for some fun. It's a work day today, so I'm writing before running out the door and then driving back to see my parents for family dinner later tonight.

Friday 1/18/13 - This is what all that hoopla was about:

Terrifying, I know. 

A lackluster snowfall did give way to some awesome weather and I spent this afternoon and morning writing, writing, writing. I'm almost finished with Chapter 8. And you know what I've noticed? I'm falling back in love with my characters. I think this is why I've felt like I'm struggling. The beginning held me over because I (shamefully) loved the writing, but then the novelty of well-written prose falls away and I'm left with my plot and my characters. And they're starting to surprise me again. I thought I was done letting them say things I wasn't sure they would say, but they're growing right before my eyes. 

That's another piece of advice I can give to writers. You gotta learn to let up on the reins. Your characters are supposed to be real people, right? We're aiming for authenticity here. You have to give them the tools to move and room to breathe and really just sit back and let them do what they want to. Otherwise, you're forcing them into shoes that don't fit (or actions that aren't logical to their personalities) and your story ends up feeling contrived and awkward. 

Saturday 1/19/13

"Writing means not just staring ugliness in the face, but finding a way to embrace it."

-Veronica Roth 

And here is where I derailed for the weekend. I was doing so well, but then I cracked open a book and fell head over heels for it. 

Sunday 1/20/13 - Today I spent the whole day on my feet, slinging beers as Waitress Girl. I worked open (10:30 am) to close (11:00 pm) and make loads of money, but my tables had me run for it. It was insane, I don't want to do it again, and I'm happy it's over. After, I basically went home and collapsed. And, scene.

Muse Food For The Week 

Days of Blood and Starlight by Laini Taylor 

This book ruined my weekend for me in the best and worst of ways. In the worst way, it destroyed my productivity because I couldn't tear myself away from it. In the best way, I came home from work each night and HAD to stay up reading it because I couldn't stand not knowing what was coming next. That, dear readers, is how to keep your audience invested. 

This is the second in a series, the first being Daughter of Smoke and Bone, a lovely book about a girl who runs errands for the devil, Brimstone, a chimera. She collects teeth which he uses to make wishes. This girl, Karou, is amazing and she leaps off the page. Then, she meets and falls in love with the enemy, an angel named Akiva. In this second installment, Karou is dealing with her past life, which was revealed to her at the end of DAUGHTER, and Akiva is trying to thwart the war the seraphim are raging against the chimera. We've got lovely settings in Morocco, one of my favorite places, and Eretz, the world of angels and the chimera. I can't tell much more without spoiling it but if you want more on my take, my review can be found here. I finished it and now I can get back to work because goodness, I need time to recover. I loved this book! 

The Weekly Wrap 1/7/13

Monday 1/7/13 - Spent my work time today on Momentum. Chapter Five has needed some serious work, but I've found that I'm extending chapters as I rewrite. Looks like the second draft is going to be longer than the first.

"The first step - especially for young people with energy and drive and talent but no money - the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art."

 - Chuck Palahniuk 

Tuesday 1/8/13 - Kicked ass today. Not gonna lie. I got a lot of revising done, adding about 2,000 words. That's a big writing day for me. Tonight I had my first class for this advanced Fiction Writing workshop I'm taking. It seems like it will be fun, but we've got a seriously limited word count. Under 4,000. Yikes! I know one of my first drafts of the stories I wrote last semester was almost double that and nearly all the revised drafts ended up being over 5K. I wanted to be challenged though and one of those challenges is learning to be brief. The short story is a much different game from novel writing. I have to adjust my brain to thinking in smaller, more sizable pieces. 

Wednesday 1/9/13 - I was doing double duty today, squeezing in some time for revision this morning before jetting off to work, leaving there to go to another job thing, and finally spending some time unwinding with friends.

It was a pretty day, if I do say so myself: 

Thursday 1/10/13 - Double duty again! Spent all morning working on a post at You Should, only to have it deleted right before I had to leave for work. Blogger can be good and it can be bad. It was definitely acting up today. Deleted an hour and a half of work. Bleh.

"Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way."

 -Ray Bradbury 

Ray helped me through it though. I went right back to it after I got off work and got the post figured out. You can check it out here, if you like. 

Friday - 1/11/13 - It is a perfectly awful day outside - raining and about forty degrees. This is what I like to call writing weather. 

Saturday 1/12/13 - Today was a lovely foggy morning. I finished two of the books I've been reading (We Have Always Lived in the Castle and On Writing) and did a lot of blog tinkering. I've gone blue! This is because my MC in the Work In Progress has synesthesia and loves the color blue. I wanted something bright and amorphous, therefore jellyfish. 

Sunday 1/13/13 - Another morning squeezed in before work all afternoon and night. Here's how I keep my routine. I nearly hit the halfway point in Momentum's revision today! Feeling good about it. This quote felt appropriate: 

 

"Nostalgia is inevitably a yearning for a past that never existed and when I'm writing, there are no bees to sting me out of my sentimentality. For me at least, fiction is the only way I can even begin to twist my lying memories into something true." 

-John Green 

This works in a lot of ways. The past really is subjective to your memory and how your mind twists it. My MC spends A LOT of time wrestling with his past, trying to decide how it informs his present and the future. 

Muse Food for the Week: 

We Have Always Lived In The Castle by Shirley Jackson 

This book is decidedly creepy. Mary Katherine Blackwood is part of the infamous Blackwood family. Her sister, Constance, was accused and acquitted of poisoning her family with arsenic, but the town isn't ready to forgive her yet. The family lives in seclusion and Constance cares for Uncle Julian, though his mind is somewhat addled by the poisoning. Mary Katherine spends her time burying precious things across their land and running with Jonas, her cat. Everything changes, however, when Cousin Charles appears on their front door. (You can check out a mini review of it on my 2013 Books page, which is sadly pretty empty right now)

And that's all for this week, folks! See ya on the flip side.

-E

Chapter 13 - Announcement

I suppose it's unlucky to reveal good news with a number thirteen, but so be it!

So you know that novel I started working on last November?  The one I've been blogging about since I started this thing?  Momentum?  

Um, I finished it.

Cue confetti cannons and streamers!  

Granted, this is a first draft which means no one in the world is going to be allowed to read it (I have to give you my best, not my first go at it!), but for all intensive purposes, the book is written.  Right now it clocks in at about 70,000 words which in page terms, means about 275 pages.  Short, I know.  I wanted to get everything written first before going back to do a serious revision.  I'm sure it will expand as I already have ideas that I want to add to it.  

I'm really excited though and nervous.  This is different than the first manuscript I finished.  There was less of a defining moment where I typed the last sentence, sat back, and cracked my knuckles with a sigh.  This one has been a fight.  It's been like an exorcism trying to find my main character's voice and to give it the authenticity it needs, but I know I have something.  Now I need to fine tune and polish it so it will be presentable to the masses.  

It feels nice.  As a writer and an unpublished one at that, I felt a sense that I would only be able to do this once and when my first manuscript didn't explode like I wanted it to, I was discouraged.  I had to learn to take an idea I'd nursed in my mind for years and set it aside to become enamored with something else.  And to be honest, this feels better.  I can tell my writing is stronger, I was less attached to certain scenes or phrases, and more able to see my work objectively.  As a result, I have a more coherent story with characters who I feel are deeply layered and work with minds of their own.  They are complex and I hope the reader takes away something from each of them.  I want Momentum to be a novel that you finish, but have to take time to process later.  

At the same time, I am definitely scared.  Finishing means I am one step closer to putting this thing I've created out into the world and letting my audience do with it what they will.  They will form opinions, they will not like what I've said, and they will criticize.  However, one thing I am learning is that unless you are writing a journal, you aren't writing for yourself.  You have an audience in mind and at some point, you have to give them what they've waited for.  My writing classes are helping me overcome the anxiety I get when having someone else read my work.  We're all learning.  We all have something to offer and we are going to give each other good ideas and criticism.  You have to take the bad with the good.  You need fresh eyes to look at what you've done because you can't see the mistakes you're making or where you're being so dense, your reader cannot understand what is happening.  

When I told my parents, the first thing they asked was when do they get a copy.  Well, despite my excitement over finishing, this project is not done.  A first draft is only the beginning.  A first draft is throwing all the words you need down on paper.  It doesn't mean I have a packaged product ready for publication.  No one has read the whole thing.  I would be an idiot to try and publish without getting even one other person to give me input.  What it does mean is that I have my foundation.  What I wrote may not necessarily be what I intended, but this is what revising is for.  

My plan now?  

I want to go through and change all of the things I have been neglecting and add in the ideas I had along the way.  I need to cut out the parts that aren't finished at the end or that don't matter.  And I need to get fresh eyes on this thing.  Literary eyes.  I hope to get some connections in the English Department where I am taking classes.  Really, I want a mentor.  Someone to help guide and mold my work and someone who understands the message I am trying to convey.  And that's like dating.  You have to find the right partner.  Until then, I'll be on my own, putting my all into the manuscript and trying to create the best draft I can.

Then and only then, once I have something that I feel is worthy of publication, will I begin the querying process again.  Before, my problem was that I queried too early.  I was too eager and ready to see my name on a shelf in Barnes and Noble and what I had to bring to the table was not up to par.  I won't make that mistake again.  Querying takes research.  It takes time and clever writing.  I need to take what I've done and summarize it into something that people will want to read.  I need to figure out how I want to present it.  

So, in other words, I am far from done.  Writing the book is actually the easy part.  Turning it into something that people want to read (and getting an agent to feel the same way) is where the real work is.  

All that said, I feel really proud that I've completed my second novel (even if the first one is still sitting at my desk collecting dust).  

-E 

And I appreciate everyone's support and enthusiasm.  It's those people who ask me, "How is the book going?" that keep me motivated every day.